A best friend breakup is hard. A best friend is a weird relationship to have, in general. It insinuates some sort of exclusivity, but if you do happen to have other friends, it’s not considered betrayal in the same way that it is with a relationship. The psychology behind a ‘best friend’ could be spoken about for hours, but what happens when your best friend isn’t your best friend anymore?
Whether this best friend breakup happens suddenly and all at once, because of something you’ve done, or something they’ve done, or slowly in a ‘dripping effect’ until eventually it’s all gone… it hurts the same amount. I didn’t know what it was like to lose a best friend until earlier this year, and whilst I’m still in the process of overcoming it; here’s my tips for the first few months after a best friend breakup.
Unfollow them. On everything.
Stalking, or ‘checking up’, as some people might say – is unhealthy. No doubt about it. Unfollow them, and if it ended badly, block them. There is no point in hanging around anymore, they’re not coming back. This isn’t the movies. Once they’re gone, they’re gone. Understand that no amount of you checking their Instagram, or even worse, LIKING their posts, is going to help your situation. Believe me, following negativity is the worst kind of betrayal to yourself.
Talk About It
You have other friends for a reason. When my best friend betrayed me, I only had limited amounts of other friends that I trusted to talk about it with. If you leave it too long, you’re not going to want to talk about it because it will be too painful. Talk about it now, and talk about it honestly. Tell people how betrayed, angry, and hurt you are. If you need to yell at someone, yell at them about how unfair it is. If you need to cry, cry. Letting everything out as early as possible into the breakup will help you heal quicker.
Get Rid of Their Stuff
If your friendship was one that you collected letters, pictures, and souvenirs from – get rid of them. This was the hardest thing for me. I had things that my best friend had made me, letters, cards, and pictures. So, you want to know what I did with them? Burned it all. I was betrayed, I was heartbroken, and she isn’t coming back. I had no use for those things, all they would do is hurt me, so I burnt them. It may sound dramatic, but burning things for me was an end to a chapter, and a very final one at that.
Remember They Aren’t Coming Back
It doesn’t matter whether the friendship ended because of something they did, because of something you did, or because of mutual fade out. That person isn’t coming back, and you shouldn’t go back (unless you really can sort it out) either. I believe in the universe and that their is a plan for all of us, and even if you don’t believe that; sometimes it can be comforting to believe that this best friend breakup happened for a reason. The reason might be a lesson you needed to learn. Maybe you needed to make room in your life for something else. Either way, they aren’t coming back, and you don’t need them.
Take Something Away From It
True life lessons are the ones hardest learned. I think I will always feel resentment towards my ex-best friend, because she wasted 7 years of my life when I could’ve been friends with a better person. But, I learned many things from that friendship; and I am grateful that those lessons will help me to carry myself through life more thoughtfully. Also, try and make goals without them in your life. Make a Bucket List.
Heartbreak in any form is difficult, and best friend breakups are the absolute worst. This is because you most often don’t expect it. Try and always take something away from the most difficult parts of your life. If you don’t, the time really was wasted. None of your life is wasted if you learnt a lesson from it.